Archive for September 2009
what was that about ?
Posted on: September 30, 2009
- In: diary
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this episode happens on the first day I got back to work…and it goes like this…
I arrived at work feeling all pumped up excited…and it’s not because I was happy to get back to work,hi3x 😉 I was a bit anxious to meet him yet again ^^ didn’t awanna get my hopes to high actually, but I just can’t help it. by the time I got to the rest room,someone’s already there,a surgeon.I asked him politely about if he has any surgery scheduled for that day. he said there wasn’t any.I was a bit dissapointed at first, knowing that he could already be somewhere else.I just sighed & said to myself,”well,maybe it’s just not my day.if it’s meant to be,than it’s meant to be”.
so, there I was doing my routines on the 2nd fl. All the while still thinking (& hoping) that we could meet up,however that’s possible…& it turns out to be a rewarding one 🙂 I just finished having noodles for dinner with the nurses there, when all of the sudden one of them asked for me to report about something to one of the pediatrician.after I ran over the errands, I was about to write what his instruction was, when suddenly I caught a glimpse of him…yay 😀 I caught him answering his phone in a bit hurry after he saw me & was already smiling towards me (or so at least that’s what I thought happened ^^ ). at first, I tried to turn my face away by pretending I was still busy writing the status. but he was walking so quickly that if I didn’t step in & called him at that time, he might just gone off in seconds without anything to say towards me & I don’t want that 😦 . dunno where I got the courage, but instinctly I just called out to him…& he stopped 🙂 I made the first approach to shake hands, saying what’ve been already said through my text before. I know it’s not necessary, but it just felt…different. I’m not saying this just because it was him, but also for the others (with him being the utmost importance of course…lol ^^ )…anyways, as we shoke hands, I couldn’t help but notice that he was…dunno if it’s just my imagination toying around with me..but he was kinda..blushed??? after saying a few words for a brief second, he walked on again.at that time, I was like, ”come on,get real here!! u got to be kidding me”. I mean, Hello!! what was THAT all about? did I do something wrong then that made him like that? or was it just a ‘freakishly’ coincidence? what do u think happened back there? coz it’s certainly making me crazy all of the sudden. was that supposed to be a good sign or a bad one ? :$
…sure hope that it’s a good sign, meaning maybe…JUST MAYBE..he has feelings 4 me,too?? ^____^
…aaaaaaarrrrrggghhhhh, the anticipation is killing me softly …. just get on with it will u? is he still blind or something?? I’m trying my best here to get his attention & all. couldn’t he noticed that by now? hix3x T-T…guess I still have a looooong way to go then…but I hope it’s not gonna be that long now.like my friend said & i quote,” in ur case, it’s just the matter of time now before it all falls on the right path”. thx,girlfriend!! Amin to that…wish me luck… ^_____^
scheme ???
Posted on: September 24, 2009
- In: diary
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this happens about a few days ago…
it was the night before we were about to celebrate eid fitri, the end of fasting month, when I just had this crazy idea. u see, as usual,me & my friends all sent messages to each other saying our best wishes, sorries & all, when it suddenly hit me. I was like, say, wouldn’t this be the perfect chance to text him a message (aka. with my number on it ^^ ) ? I thought about it for a few minutes & when I finally reached a conclusion, I was even getting more anxious about tomorrow than before ^^ …
…so, after finished praying the next morning, I quickly sent him the message, adding my name to it @ the end of the text 😉 . but before that, I first text it to another colleague, which I happen to have her number, just in case he gets any funny ideas if he asked later, hi3x 😉
after it was delivered, I didn’t dare to look at my hp again (dunno why I did it. coz of course, it’s a stupid thing to do). anyways, a few minutes later, I was a bit anxious to see if there’s any messages left unopened…& I saw it!! it was his number. yaaay for me!! 😀 he replied my text…well, even though he just copy & paste it, then added a word or 2…still… HE REPLIED!! how sweet was that??!! awwwww ^_^ hi3x…
that night I told my friend about what happened,& u know what she said?… she said,& I quote,”…a subtle sign yet direct point”. I guess she’s right ’bout that 🙂 . u c, he did mentioned once / twice, in a certain kind of way, that since he didn’t know how to reach my number, he forgot to tell me about some seminar & stuffs before. so I decided to ‘provide’ it to him exclusively, hi3x 😉
…a scheme ??…well, if u put it that way, I guess it does feel like kind of a scheme ^^ I just don’t know how to tell him that I like him, in a way that he’d caught my signals all this time. so I figured, heck, got nothing to loose anyway,so why not give it a shot? u know, be the first to take the step forward & all.after all, it was the best time to do it. I couldn’t imagine any perfect moment to do it than that moment. 🙂
…u see, a week before that, there was a gathering for the staffs @ the hospital on a fasting occasion…but before that…
I just arrived for work & went straight to the icu to check on the patient there.there he was sitting while talking to someone on his phone.I caught his eyes flash towards me, but he didn’t smiled. I thought, ‘ok, maybe he’s having an important conversation on the phone.nothing to worry there’.I took a brief look @ the patient & his records, then took another look at the patient. after awhile, he hung up the phone & went straight towards the patient, checking if everything’s in place (coz he’s about to put a CVP on the old man) & telling the nurses what to do.while all that time in between walking around & talking, he never made any kind of eye contact towards me.heck, he didn’t even give a damn smile like always. although, he was wearing a face-mask,so all I can see is his eyes only, but there’s no spark in it 😦 it all came to me when the nurse told me that a patient from a few days ago had PNT because of a procedure, & was almost caught off guard not knowing about it 2 days later. and to top it off,she had to say that it was all my fault for not telling him immediately.in my self-defense, I told her that ‘technically’ it was my friend’s turn for that night shift, I finished mine. he even made a remark which was clearly is meant for me. knowing how easily I get depressed upon people telling me that I’ve done wrong or not good enough, I guess it looked pretty clearly on my face.there was someone at the door & he asked me who it was. I knew who it was, but it took me awhile to get her name again. and before I could answer, she answered it first. it kinda make an impression that I was so down at the moment, that I didn’t even wanna answer to him (at least,that’s what I thought). a few minutes later, after he finished, he came by me & asked about what medications is the patient’s having at the moment.then he started discussing about adding some treatment & all, back in his teaching manor.after awhile, we were talking about the past incidence that occured a week ago. finally, I managed to make him smiled again (or was it the other way around?? ^^ ). u can’t imagine how relieved I was @ the time 🙂 we even managed to joke around for awhile, before it was time to open fast..hehehe… I told this to my friend (the same one I told before), & she said, & I quote, ”panicdotcom ^^… but really,this guy really need a smack on the head…” by the last part, I asked her what for, but she didn’t make a comment.
…well, that’s my report on the latest events anyways. gotta hit the sack now, coz tomorrow I’ll be going back to my routines again….work, work, work,…& maybe a little flirting in between?? 😉 hihihihi…who knows, maybe… if I’m lucky tomorrow ^^ ….c u next time… 😀
tired yet happy ^^
Posted on: September 7, 2009
a couple of days ago was a very tiring day for me @ work…but still manage to have some wonderful moments though ^^
…and why is that, u say? well, it goes like this…
as usual, I went to work in the morning trying my hardest not to think ’bout how I miss not seeing him a couple of days before @ work. When I arrived @ work, I met a nurse who told that there were a couple of patients in the icu.I was so excited that I gave a huge smile…n maybe a little sparkle in the eyes (if anyone notice ^^).but I don’t think she realized it,coz I made it sound like as if she was joking. then, another one told me that there is in fact a patient in the icu.my heart started pounding happily @ the fact that he was the one taking care of them.but that’s just momentarily.coz after I learned who was the chief in charge, I was a bit jittery.let’s just say that we’re not that…er…close as friends.she snapped me for being not to concern about her patients.she raised her voice & told me to wait for her in the icu. phew, what a way to start your day!!
… eventually, I went there together with my co-worker,who also has been summoned there.of course,I’m a bit scared of what will she says,coz I’ve always hated when people raise their voices @ me,even if it’s for my own good.but thank heaven I was facing this together with my friend,so it gave me a little strength to face her. as we got there, I saw him still wearing his t-shirt,chatting with her while giving order to the others in the room.I’ve never saw the icu that busy before.but thanks to that,she doesn’t seem mad @ all.in fact, she taught us about what’s going on.I was amazed myself about it though,coz she never ever did that to me….but then again,maybe I was just being a little…intimidated by her,that’s all.sure hope this will turn out to be a very good beginning for some new bonding…yeah,we’ll see ’bout that…
…anyways…a few minutes after that, my friend left the room & left me with them.since I’m not used to her presence, I just can’t think of what to say, other than follow her around watching what she was doing.thank God, he’s there to break the silence coz I was beginning to feel odd.they were talking about her education,experience & all, & since I don’t know what it’s like to be a resident (…yet ^^ ), I just listened @ them quietly.sometimes smiled when it sounds funny, even though I still don’t understand what the hell they’re talking about 🙂 …but again, thank God, there’s still an angel left in this world.he sometimes made eye contact @ me while talking or joking ’bout something,while the other didn’t seem to notice @ all. I was like,”wow! how cute was that of him to made me feel like I’m still involved in this conversation”. ^_^ hihihihi…
…after awhile, he got up & continued to do his work again coz he still have an unfinished business to do with the patient,leaving me with her behind.since I still dunno what to talk about,I got up & tried to see what he was doing instead 😉 I’m still curious about how he did what he did anyways, coz I hardly got the chance to see anyone put a cvp on a patient when I was still learning.even after I worked in this hospital, I hardly ever see him did it.coz each time I wanted to,there’s always a call from the ward & I just can’t ignore that,can I ? no matter how bad I wanted to spend a couple of minutes with him in the same room ^^
…anyways…as they were getting ready, suddenly his cellphone rang. since almost everybody got their hands full with something,except me (& her,of course,but he wouldn’t want to be rude & ask her ’bout what he was going to ask next),he asked me to help him get his cell for him. @ first, I was a bit shocked realizing this, coz even though there’s another nurse standing beside him, still handsfree & all, he manage to let me ‘help’ him out. when we were close enough, I asked him where did he put it. he said,”here, it’s in my pants front pocket”. HIS WHAT??!! if it were just another guy, I wouldn’t careless about it.but this one could get tricky ^^…still with a slight disbelief ( & a red face on my half ^_^), I tried to reach in. but before that, she manage to make a joke ’bout it,saying,”be careful where you put ur hand”. my face even got much hotter than before she said that.luckily I manage to regain my cool & said to him as lightly as I can,”I’m very sorry,doc.but if there’s anything happened, I’m not responsible for it.your the one asking for it”. does that count as flirting? well, a friend of mine thought so ^^ xixixi…we didn’t look @ each other as I reach in his pocket.he looked away while I was concentrating not to let myself trembling in front of those other people in the room. that would be most embarrassing. not wanting to stay in an odd situation for long,I quickly manage to grab his cell in a matter of seconds.it was from someone that he didn’t want to accept it @ the time,so he told me to click the busy switch & that was that.. phew, that was new 😉
…after another half an hour or so, she left the room having said & written all the instruction on the patients status.after that, he remained there for another hour.I stayed back coz it’s also in my job description to do so…and the fact that I just don’t wanna miss my moment with him 😛 … it was high noon @ the time. so, I tried to make small talks to him. but apparently, it came out somehow…flirtatious ? I asked him why don’t he just stay & join me for a meal,coz it’s only some hours left before the end of fasting that day.he just smiled & said,”nah! I’m eating out with my friends later”.by that remark, I saw him making signs with one of the nurses which I quickly took as he was going to have a meal with the rest of the icu members. I was a bit jealous at it,so I said,”yaaa…when is going to be my turn then?”. I realized I was jealous at it, coz I said it with my childish tone. like I always do when I want to have things gone my way :P…
…a few moment of silence later, he asked me about my job activities. @ first, he asked his favorite question of all time ( or so I thought 🙂 ).”when do you usually came to work here?”, that was his question. inside I was like,”come on,man! is there nothing else would you rather wanna ask about? it felt like a million times I answered about it too”. but of course I didn’t say it out loud,not wanting to hurt his feeling in any way again. I just answered it politely, & it kept the conversation long enough for us, until he finally left 😦 … *sigh* …
when I told about this to my friend, she says that maybe he’s just being shy, but trying to kept his cool at the same time when I told him about when is our turn to have a meal together.which then made him to asked the same question all over again. I wish it was true, coz come to think of it, that’s just so cute of him to do so ^_^ xixixixixi…
…anyways, I went on the rest of the day working like hell. but with the previous memory in mind, I can’t help but thank God that I came there that day ^^ .. I just hope that this means that I’m getting another step closer to him in a way & vice versa 😉
Amin…
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