eve winchester’s Blog

Archive for April 2009

  • In: diary
  • Comments Off on blabbing

pertama jumpa,trasa biasa saja.tp stlah berbicara bnyk, tanpa trasa tumbuh suatu perasaan yg tak prnah kusangka akan ku alami kmbali…stlah skian lamanya ku brdiam diri, mncari-cari ,hingga hmpir saja mnyerah pd batasny..kau dtg mengisi hidupku yg tanpa kusadari tnyata trasa hampa slama ini…tanpa kehadiranmu,smua trasa hampa… maukah kau tuk menjadi pilihanku,menjadi yg terakhir dlm hidupku.maukah kau tuk mnjadi yg prtama,di saat pg ku membuka mata…jadilah yg trakhir,tuk jd yg prtama,tuk jd slamanya…lelahmu jd lelahku jg,bahagiamu bahagiaku pasti…trkadang malaikat tak rupawan.namun kasih ini silahkan kau adu..mlaikat juga tahu siapa yg jd juaranya…hr dmi hr brlalu,tanpa dirimu yg bs ku lihat.smua rasa mjd satu.bahagia,sedih,kangen,marah,cemburu…mengapa kau bs membuatku sprt ini? bgmn aku bs smp k tahap ini kmbali? susah payah aku brusaha menata hati agar tak trjadi hal yg sama trualng kmbali..dan tiba2 kamu dgn seenaknya saja memporakporandakan hatiku sprti ini…ku tunggu tanggung-jawabmu atas kekacauan yg tlah trlanjur trjd ini…apakah slh utk mngharap musibah bagi yg lain sbg suatu anugerah bagiku?jk hny dng cara itu ku dpt brsamamu,mk jadilah ia…stiap hr yg kujalani dgn mlewati pintu itu,hatiku seolah-lah ingin meneriakkan kata2 btapa aku menyayangimu…slalu menantimu,walau hanya tuk lihat skilas punggungmu,itu pun sudah cukup tuk menghiburku…tiap detik yg ku lalui,hny kamu lh yg ad di pikiranku,di hatiku…smg kali ini ku tak trjebak dlm kisah2 yg lalu…sayang, seandainya saja kamu juga merasakan apa yg sedang kurasakan kini,btapa bahagianya ku jadi…smg esok kan jd hr yg cerah bagiku…smg bsk kt dpt brtemu,saling berbagi cerita,canda dan tawa…saling merajut kenangan indah bersama,yg kuharap kelak kamu akan brsedia melanjutkan prjalanan ini bersamaku…selamanya…

  • In: diary
  • Comments Off on mi-so,mis-u…hix3x…

hix3x…miss u so much yesterday…

do u know what happened yesterday?? as I walked past the intensive care,I was kinda hoping that there’ll be someone in.of course,as it turns out,there’s nobody sick there.on the other hand,it was kinda relief, ‘coz then I wouldn’t have 2b so busy that night.

still…really,really miss u…heck,I sounded like having a teenage crush now all over again. well,…it seems I do have a crush after all.don’t know how long it’ll last this time.but I surely hope & pray that he’ll felt the same way as me this time.not just another chapter of the broken-hearted…

tell me why ur so hard 2 4get…I’ll never understand how these things work. u just look…perfect 2 me.smart,a gentleman,charming,funny,good-looking,caring,nurturing (at least, I’ve felt that one already…;)),got a great job,& above all…STILL SINGLE!! LOL…how can I not fell 4 this one,I tell ya 😛 although,there’s still 1 thing I don’t know yet,the crucial thing that is…whether he’s the same religion as me…uph,that’ll be a big no-no if he weren’t… 

anyways, hope 2 c u soon,my prince ^^ with all my heart…

  • In: diary
  • Comments Off on what was I thinking???

what in the world was I thinking this whole damn day??!!…can’t stop thinking ’bout him…hix3x…here I go again.still doing the same pathetic pattern all over again…heck,I don’t even know if he is truely single!! he might have someone he likes already,just haven’t said out loud yet. 😦

great!! now I’m depressed. am I supposed to feel like this again all over?? I’m sick & tired of this part,you know. the waiting,wondering whether he likes me or just pitied on my lack of skills. I really,really need to get this out of my system.Aaaaaargh!!!

God plz,don’t make me suffer much more.if he’s the one meant 4 me,then just get done with it.plz don’t let me go through the suffering again.i have enough ordeals to last for a life time,without being complicated by some guy whom I just met. I know,the last time I said that if I ever fall in love again,I’ll make sure that it goes right @ the time.but how am I supposed to do it?I don’t have enough guts to even show that I cared more than just collegues.I’m suffering from a very low self-esteem @ this time.I’m doomed!!!

Shush!! there’s no such thing!!…I just gotta get up,make my move,or he’ll sure be gone in a matter of seconds,just like that!!

…the thing is,whenever I try to make a move,it seems like they all wanted to run away from me as far as they can.I mean,…what am I??? I’m not gonna suck their blood or anything extreme!!I just wanted someone to pay more attention to me,cared & be loved,that’s all I want.

do u know? the other day,when everybody were already starting to leave home,someone offered him to meet with some girl who is, as they say,pretty & still single.I don’t know what happened to me back then,but suddenly,out of the blue,I’m pretty sure that I felt a little jealous of her.I looked up to the bunch of them,then took a quick glance @ him.as it happens,he was also glancing @ me @ the time,then he looked back @ them & politely decline their “good intentions”. of course,they still tried to persuade him one last time,& he still politely decline their invitation. I don’t know why,but @ the time,I felt a little relief,you know.for awhile there,I just wanted to yell @ them & said,”hey,I’m also single here.HELLO???”.

but a couple of hours before that, was the more embarassing part 4 me. uc,as I entered the room 2c the patient’s condition,there were already a lot people standing around,so I took a seat.as I was writing a prescription,I took a quick glance at the patient’s bed.there he was adjusting the monitors & stuffs,& unexpectedly,@ the same time,he was also glancing towards me.well…actually,I don’t know if he was looking @ me,or towards where I sat.but anyway…as soon as our eyes met,I STUPIDLY & QUICKLY glance away pretending to write the prescriptions as asked before.THAT’s when my heart gave a sudden leap that I quickly posed myself back 2 normal.I was @ denial then,…& still in denial now if I had any feelings 4 de guy.

…I just…don’t wanna get hurt anymore,you know. Don’t wanna get my hopes too high so fast,just to fall from it again. hix3x… 😦

you know, I really wished that what I saw in his face as we’re near the end of the whole drama,when he was making a joke that I’ll have 2b up all night to take care of the new patient who were about to be admitted from another hospital,and I said back that I wasn’t the one who’ll be staying up late that night,his facial features changed a bit,as if …gonna miss me?? is that even possible?? …of course,tha ‘was only my point of view though.who knows…maybe it’s just coz he hadn’t met the guy whose in charge that night….yeah,think rational,girl!! that could be just the case.

there,u c…I guess I’m still not ready for this kind of stuff.I can’t even give up my mind whether I’m in luv or not….

  • In: diary
  • Comments Off on …Friday I’m in luv…

YES!! IT’S FRIDAY NIGHT &…I’M IN LUV !!! … I think…Oh my GOD!!! I just can’t believe this.I hope this one can last more than just admiring from a far,like I always had all this time …hix3x…he’s smart,intelligent,charming,friendly,caring,(quite) adorable,funny,good-looking,& on top of that…STILL SINGLE & AVAILABLE!! 😀  

I hope this time the feelings are mutual, coz I’m really,really tired of searching,you know.I hope & pray that Allah SWT can give me a sign if this time is the right time.

Someone ACTUALLY pays attention to me…moi… I know he’s just making small talks.but…I just can’t help feeling turned on whenever someone of the opposite sex even cared to pay attention to me 😉

do you know? when he said if I was considering to follow his career footsteps, I was considering another thing.I thought,”no,I’m not considering to be in the same field as him.but I am considering to be his “other half”  lol *lovey-dovey mode-on* 😉

but of course, I wasn’t thinking ’bout that at the time.God,please forgive me if I ever say something flirtatious like that out loud.that’s just not my style.I’m still the conventional type…you know,the type where the guys said it first to the gals.that kind of stuff.call me old-fashioned,but that’s the way I am…which sometimes makes me hate myself for that 😦

Aaaaaaargh !!! there I go again..always thinking way ahead of myself.sometimes it’s a good thing to do so,but now isn’t really the good time to think ’bout that. I’m always like that when I’m in this state of mind 🙂

Let’s just pray together to Allah SWT that this time I get to be with the right one …AND last one…Amin…

  • In: diary
  • Comments Off on REMEMBER !!!

REMEMBER !!! u r just colleagues !! not more & certainly not less that that !!! of course….,he’s single,smart,good-looking, & not to mention…A DOCTOR !!! 😛

I always feel excited when someone took interest in me…but I guess in this case, it’s because my lack of knowledge. so, I guess he pitied me. oh well, I might as well enjoy the transfer of knowledge for my own good then…

…bah, even that sounds so lame to me !! hix,hix,hix… 😦

but nevertheless….ALL the good guys are usually taken.so, might as well enjoy the time we have, right?? 🙂 …

ok, then…just try not to be too anxious about it, don’t get ur hopes to high … someday,it will come to you when the time is right. Right?? 😉

(I pray & I pray that if only God could just give me a sign…)