eve winchester’s Blog

wow,it’s been 3 moths since the last time I updated this blog on my ‘not-so-secret luv mission anymore’ ^^..why not so secret anymore,u wonder?coz by now,almost all the ppl I worked w/ knows that I fancied him,ha3x..u wondered does he still not now about it? nope,he surely knows that I like him by now.what’s going on this last couple of months,u say?well, a lot has happened since the last I blog.a lot of interesting events occurred if I may say so myself 😉 I’ll try to make it not too boring,ok..
after that depressing month of May,I slowly but surely tried to regain back my positive attitude towards the future.sure,everything went as usual.me,working in the ER,handling a lot of patients,ICU/not,co-workers joking about my ‘dangerous aura’ & all..:P in the month of June,the ICU went back on track.there was a new head nurse ‘in town’ 4 the ICU unit.she had about 10yrs experience on it & she was recruited by him.the first couple of weeks there wasn’t any ICU patient 4 her..that’s where all the chaos begins…
u c,she was so enthusiastic 2 let others know what she’s capable of.since there wasn’t any patients 4 her,she ‘indirectly’ search 1 4 herself.she told her friends that if they have a potential ICU patient,they can refer it our hospital coz it’s been vacant 4 a while now. boy,they sure did as she said them 2. my co-worker was the 1st one to experience it.2 times in a row,to be exact!she was so frantic about it.but she wasn’t alone on this.almost all of her ICU staff shared the same feeling.well, long story short,she’s making more enemies in a few weeks since she started 2 work there than any other ppl I knew!does that include me? well,I tend to c the + sides of every ppl I’ve met,including her.as long as she didn’t make anything up about me,I think I can still handle it..
anyway,that’s enough about her.what I’d like 2 tell u is what’s been happening between me & him this few months 🙂 ..
1 day at mid-June perhaps,I was sitting by the nurse station in the ICU as usual,taking care of a patient there.@ that time there was me,a co-worker,& the head nurse.we were discussing (aka gossiping ^^) ’bout him.my co-worker tries to tell the nurse that we both fit 2gether.she then made a comment that she’s also curious about the way he looks at me.she said the way he looked @ me were ‘different’ then when he’s looking at other ppl,which made me blush,of course ^^ .and she already noticed it after only a few weeks, while he still didn’t notice it after 2 yrs!! boy,that sure tells a lot about ppl who don’t know that they’re in luv,while every1 around them could see it w/ their eyes wide shut..ha3x.. 😀 the 3 of us started 2 laughed about it,when suddenly he came into the room.it made us laugh even much more louder than b4,while he’s still wondering what’s going on b4 he came in.of course,we didn’t tell him that we were talking about him just a few seconds ago ^^. after that, we started to bribe him into buying us some snacks.he gave some money to an assistant there & told him 2 buy something 4 us.he came back w/ the food & we sat by the nurse’s counter & started eating it.there was this weird silence in the middle of our conversation where he just looked @ what I was doing.I noticed that he’s been looking @ me & it made me feel nervous.I started to eat the rest of the snack to ease the odd tension.after a few more minutes of conversation,he went back.before he left,my friend asked him 2 hitch a ride back home,as they were on the same route.he told her that he didn’t bring his car otw there coz he’s riding his bike.but she already notice his car keys & told him that he’s lying.the nurse suddenly told him to drove me back home instead.he played dumb & started 2 ask who wants 2 go home.she still insisted him to drove me home instead.I was like,”WTH is going on here?!I’m already embarrassed as I am,u know”.she grabs my friend’s hand & gave him a shout,”doc,u’d better drove dr.eve home instead of dr.c!”. that’s it!!I’m doomed on embarrassment. thank God by the time she said that he already left the room so he didn’t c how my face was flushing red like a tomato ;P the next day when I met my co-worker,she told me that he said that he’ll give me a ride only if I move 2 a place near his instead of where I am now.although I was flattered by his remarks,I just laugh @ her & said that I will if there was some1 who’s willing to ‘give’ me a house there instead of paying the rent by myself.then she said,”I bet he’ll be willing to let u stay @ his place if u want”..wakakakakak..that’ll be the day I keep forward on looking for.. 😀 at least,I thought, he was making a little bit of progress there,hi3x.. 😛
then came in the month of July..it’s my birthday that month & boy did I get a lot of ‘surprises’ that month 😉 on the day of my bday,I was on duty & kinda hope that he’ll just pop-up from nowhere & wished my happy bday or some sort.so,I was a bit ‘edgy’ that day.when he finally did called me that day,it was only to ask about my friend’s number.I was like,”what!!it’s my birthday & all u wanted 2 say is if I have her number?!WTH was that all about?!”.I was trying not 2 get furious w/ him & I asked him whether there was something else that he wanted to say & he just plainly said nope..then all hell breaks lose.. X( all day long I ended up working halfheartedly & almost wanna scream @ anyone who doesn’t agree w/ me or annoys me.but then all I needed was a little bit of patience,coz @ mid-July something ‘interesting’ happened ^_^
on July 16-17th,our hospital is holding an annual family gathering 4 the doctors,& this time we’re going to stay in at a lodge in Garut.I’ve been attending this sort of thing the last 2 yrs & I’m sure not gonna let this year go to waste either 🙂 about a week before the event,an Obgyn asked me whether I’m going or not.I told him I’m going,& then he said,”he’s also going there 2,u know”.I was like,”OMG!does he already knew about us already?”.although I’m pretty sure I knew who the culprit that has been talking about us 😉 I just smiled & said,”so what does that have got 2 do w/ me??”.he just left the room leaving me a teasing smile otw.oh,well.no use in hiding it from him now.
anyway,on the vacation day,I took a ride on a car that was rented by the pharmacy w/ 3 other ppl,a neurologist,a pediatrician & her niece.we didn’t talk a lot about anything otw.I think we all pretended to sleep along the road to avoid talking to each other 😛 anyways,we arrived @ our destination @ about 1600 hrs.some ppl were already there.the 3 of us were taken to each of our lodge,whereas mine were separated far enough from the 2 of them at the back of the villa.my bunk is room number 35,where I stayed on the 2nd floor.it was cozy & I like the view from the balcony 2,over-viewing the pond.since dinner will be served at about 1800 hrs,there’s still enough time to take a rest after the long journey.I took a nice warm bath & got ready 4 dinner.I told my travelling friend before that I’ll be coming over to pick her up 2 dinner.but I also asked a dentist to tell me when she’s going to dinner.
when I finished putting on my make-up,suddenly I heard some guy knocking @ my door,calling my name.I thought that it might be the dentist’s husband who came 2 fetch me 4 dinner..boy,how much wrong that was!!could u guess who’s been knocking @ my door? 😉 yupz,it’s HIM!!when I opened the door,I thought I was in the middle of a dream or something.I never would’ve,ever thought that he’d be the 1 knocking @ my door!if there’s anything like a ‘mini’ heart-attack,then I guess I’m having 1 @ that time. I was so stunned that I couldn’t answer his question when he asked who did I bunk with.instead I asked him,”why are u here?”.he kept asking his question w/o bothering mine.the 2nd time he asked,I was already back to my so called normal mode-on,& told him that I’m all alone.then it’s my turn 2 repeat my question & this time he answered,”my room is next to yours,don’t u notice?that’s why I’m here”.he showed me our names on the front door & I was stunned 4 the 2nd time.I said 2 myself,”Holy shit!how,when,..what the hell happened here?there wasn’t any name on the door when I came by earlier.or I wouldn’t be in this shape if I had known b4 hand”.then he said,”if u don’t mind,I’d like 2 borrow your room 4 my friends here”.then he introduce me to his so called friends,a guy about his age whom he met when he rented a place while he was in college,his daughter,& I think the other 1 was his nephew or something.I could have sworn that he’s eyes were blinking w/ delight when he knew that I was staying next 2 him,hi3x..;) & I guess the same thing goes 2 me 2 ^^..but of course we didn’t have the guts 2 tell each other about it as always,ha8x.. 😀 so,after a little chit-chat,I told him that I’m off to my friends’ bunk to pick her up 4 dinner..aaand,as usual,he said to wait 4 him 4 a while & told me to go there 2gether.I was like,”if only I’d known that u’ll be my neighbour,I wouldn’t have made plans w/ any other ppl,u know.I’d stick 2 u like a glue..;D
I was already late 2 pick up my friend coz apparently,she rang me a couple of times,but I didn’t answer the phone.if she only knew that I was so distracted by my new ‘neighbour’,hi3x..so,we set for dinner,while he went 4 a swim w/ his friends.the dinner party wasn’t so amusing like the last time.in fact,it was so boring to the 3 of us,that we went back to our rooms in spite of all the things that are still happening.dinner wasn’t that good like the last time either.so,we all went off to bed.
as I lay down on my bed,I couldn’t help but feeling.. scared??I wonder why did I feel this way?isn’t this what I’ve been dreaming all this time?able to be near him when the night comes?so why is this sudden feeling of uneasiness surrounding me??I even held my breathe when I heard someone moving next door coz I don’t wanna wake him up.how stupid was that,huh?!paranoid much..ha8x.. 😀
the next day when I woke up,in the end I just had a couple of hours of sleep instead.I listened carefully to check for any sounds from my ‘neighbour’.as soon as I’m pretty sure that there was no one there,I took a bath.even when I was bathing,I was still paranoid.afraid that he’ll suddenly went by my room & saw me in the bathroom naked :p that’s just coz last night he told me that there’s a gap in the bathroom wall where someone could take a peek inside (which isn’t so bad if it’s only him though,ha8x..) 😛
after taking some breakfast, we were given shirts 2 wear for the games that day.I went back to my shack to change.I opened my door as quiet as possible,don’t want my ‘neighbour’ 2 notice that I’m back.as I was changing,I heard the next door being unlocked & someone got in.suddenly I started to panic (which I still wonder up ‘til now why do I have 2 b that panic all of the sudden anyway?).I was facing a dilemma.either I’m getting out now or remain inside until he got out 1st.but then I thought,WTH!why should I be afraid @ him anyway?he didn’t do anything wrong last night,aside from giving me a ‘mini heart-attack’ when I learned that he’s my next-doot neighbour.so I told myself that I can handle this situation easily & I walked out.I tried to lock the door very,very quietly,but the damn door hasn’t been given any oilately,it gave a creek sound.and just as I suspected,he shout out my name.’’hey,is that you?’’,he shouted.’’yeah,it’s me’’,I answered.and just like that,he quickly opened his door,still wearing his biking costume, & started to talk about a lot of things (which is mostly about the ppl in the other hospital,as usual,hi3x..).that morning I was glad that I didn’t make any promises to my friend like last night.so,there I was listening to all his talk about our co-workers @ the other place.during our conversations,he made a call to 1 of his friends asking why he didn’t came.I just stood there like an idiot,just staring @ him,wondering will it be ok if I left him in the middle of his conversation w/ his friend there.but then I thought,that wouldn’t be polite.so,I stared @ him a little more,sometimes pretended to look @ other things.but only 4 a few mere seconds,than I glance back @ him again,hi3x.. ^^ guess,I really enjoyed looking @ him whenever I can.it’s not like I’d get another opportunity like this,u know,get it? *wink,wink.. after he finished talking on the phone,he pick up on our last conversation & started to talk again.as we were talking (aka. he talks,I listen ^^),the Obgyn who likes to joke @ me went by under us.I instinctively drew myself back,just in case he sees me with him.coz if he did sees us 2gether there,that’ll be the talk @ work.of course,almost all the nurses there already notice about ‘us’ being ‘friendly’ like this.but then again,I don’t want any of the doctors there 2 find out about it.anyway,I finally did manage to talk long enough (as long as 15 minutes tops ;P) about my day @ the hospital, & what I like is that he appreciates me.in a way like my dad would praise me if I did something good..well,maybe I’m not thinking of seeing him as my dad.but just maybe I like the way he acted like my dad would use 2 praise me 4 being such a smart girl.OMG,do u know how much I adored him that way ?? ^__^


Malang, 26/2/2012

A few hours ago,I just chatted with an old friend back in the working days via BBM. What she mentioned really gave me quite a shock there. Wanna know what she said? She said that she was shock hearing from me. At first I wondered, what’s wrong with me having a conversation with an old pal? Then she said,”do you know that just about 4 hrs ago your ex-crush just called me & we kinda talk about you..a lot,” with a lot of smileys on her text message. I was like,”OMG!! Not again!! Do we ALWAYS have to be in sync with each other even though it’s not possible anymore?”. How was I supposed to know that he just called her earlier. Even now, when I think about it, it still kinda disturbs me in a way. I mean, come on… We’ve gone our seperate ways months ago, said our goodbyes & all. How come this kind of things keep following me even till this second ?? Isn’t it about enough already that I shed my tears for someone that wouldn’t want me being part of their lives ?? So how come now my heart still aches whenever I hear stories about him ? L .. Not to mention that my friend also told me that she kept pressing about my issues at him whenever she had the chance. It kinda embarrassed me,you know..

I know, I should be thankful to her for keeping my back like that. What made me more hurt is that she said that whenever they made fun remarks at him about me, his face will go all red, embarrassed. Does it mean that he also had finally ‘develop’ any feelings for me after all this time ? I told her (for my self-benefit, actually) that he would never give any comment concerning about this coz he doesn’t feel the same way anyway. But she stated that he knew & probably is already feeling guilty about it too. Knowing that, I kinda feel a bit.. relief maybe ? That he knew how I felt about him & how he made me feel all this time. A little ‘punishment’ wouldn’t hurt, would it ? Like what she did to him, by reminding him constantly about how I felt.

Dear God , how can You played with our hearts like that ? What’s the message behind all of this for me ? I’m not questioning about Your authority or anything. I know that deep down in my heart, this is all for the best. Even if I look through all of this, it made me realize that he was sent to me by You, to act as a ‘teacher’ for me, to guide me to where I am suppose to walk know at this very  moment. I know that our paths has already been written, long before we were even born perhaps. If I hadn’t met him, I don’t know how long I’ll be stuck in that ‘little’ hospital without wanting to improve myself more & more. Perhaps I wouldn’t feel this much of a ‘challenge’ if we did end up together.. . Let the past be a ‘lesson’ to guide me how about far I can ‘grow up’ from all of this in the future.. so, TO THE FUTURE !! CHEERS !! GANBATTE !! \(^^)/

Kuingin agar setiap perjumpaanku dengan mu menjadi sebuah perjumpaan manis,hiasi selalu dengan senyuman tulusmu karena senyummu adalah bahagiaku do’amu adalah sebuah keridhoan bagiku.

Bertuturkatalah yang lembut padaku ketika kau hendak sampaikan sesuatu
… agar ku mudah mencerna apa maksudmu perhatikanku pula ketika ku ingin berbagi denganmu mendengarkan ucapan atau ceritanku.
Karena bagiku itu adalah sebuah penghargaan.
Ya Allah, jika dia benar jodoh hamba maka dekatkanlah sedekat mungkin sehingga hamba bisa DIKHITBAH olehnya.

Jika dia bukan jodoh hamba maka jauhkanlah dan hapuslah rasa cinta ini yang ada di hati, dan berilah hamba pengganti yang terbaik dari dirinya. Hamba tidak ingin ada air mata yang menetes di pipi hanya karena cinta…
… Andai aku salah
Tegurlah aku dengan kata-katamu
yang penuh dengan kelembutan dan kebijaksanaan
… Andai aku marah
Belailah rambutku dengan penuh kasih sayangmu
Agar marahku bisa berubah menjadi kelembutan
… Andai aku lupa
Ingatkanlah aku dengan penuh kasih sayang
Agar nanti kau tetap menjadi suri tauladan bagiku dan anak kita

a couple of days ago,as I finished assisting a birth in the OR,he mentioned something that kinda tickled me up ’til this moment.u c,we were just talking about how much fun we had @ hk coz they have a lot of entertaining events yearly/monthly.what I wanna tell u is that he brought up about the time when we were being ‘neighbours’ @ a resort a few months ago in Garut again.why again,u asked?that’s coz actually he already mentioned it to my friend ’bout how we became neighbours in the 1st place & my friend told me about it instantly that day ^^..what tickles me is that he was trying pretty hard to look as though he brought up the conversation about it unpredictably.he said,”it’s fun going out with a lot of ppl once in a while.remember the last time we had a gathering a few months back?did u came also?”. I was like,”of course I did.I don’t wanna miss things like that happening”.then he said,”oh yeah,that’s right!you were beside me that day,weren’t you?”.he looked @ me & gave a flirtatious smile while waiting for my reactionI know,my first reaction should be that my face would go red or something like that.but what did I do instead?I went blank,literally!I mean really,really blank.for a moment there I can’t help but wonder,”when have I ever been next 2 u at that time?I didn’t sat beside u in ur car,or any other thing..& then it hit me!!oh,what he meant was the time when our rooms are beside each other!OMG,is he flirting w/ me?as soon as I noticed it,I smiled back at him & said,”oh,come on!ur just pretending u’ve 4gotten all about itaren’t you?how could u 4get something like that so easily?”.I was trying 2 tease him back by saying something like,”how come u didn’t came that night?u know,I didn’t lock the front door 4 u” hi3x.. 😉 but then someone came into the lounge & we stop talking about it..correction,’flirting’ back & forth about it,ha8x.. 😀 OMG,now I’m beginning 2 wonder did he really mean what he meant that day 2 my friend?am I already 2 late?who knows,maybe it’s just his way on pushing me away subtly after realizing (..Finally!!) that I have feelings 4 him.so maybe I’m 2 late, & so what?of course,I was heart-broken when I heard that he already have someone (which still remains 2 b proven up ’til now wheteher it’s just his imagination or not ^^).so how do I feel about him now?all I know is that I’m happy w/ him,may it be that he’s still single or already taken.I’m just happy that I still have the chance 2 be near him up ’til this moment.don’t know what the future may bring to both of us.all I know now is that I hope everything that had happened 2 me this past 2 yrs is not just wasted for nothing.let’s try 2 look at it from the bright side.maybe God wanted me 2 meet him in the 1st place so that I can move forward w/ my career.coz u c,when I look back @ when before he came,I do feel like that this is my limit & I don’t have 2 move on anywhere.now when I think about it,maybe it all makes sense.coz since the day I meet him,I constantly feel myself being pushed forward,being ‘motivated’, 2 become more than what I was like back then.is this why You sent him to meet me,God?or is this just 1 of Your plan 2 introduce me to my future ‘soul-mate’?well,whatever Your plan is,I realized that it’s for the best & I thank You for everything that You did so far.Insya Allah,this journey will make me happy in the end..& for him,too..or maybe for both of us.. Amin.. 🙂

Jika anda sedang benar, jangan terlalu berani dan bila anda sedang takut, jangan terlalu takut.
Karena keseimbangan sikap adalah penentu
ketepatan perjalanan kesuksesan anda

Tugas kita bukanlah untuk berhasil. Tugas kita adalah untuk mencoba, karena di dalam mencoba
itulah kita menemukan dan belajar membangun
kesempatan untuk berhasil

Anda hanya dekat dengan mereka yang anda
sukai. Dan seringkali anda menghindari orang
yang tidak tidak anda sukai, padahal dari dialah
Anda akan mengenal sudut pandang yang baru

Orang-orang yang berhenti belajar akan menjadi
pemilik masa lalu. Orang-orang yang masih terus
belajar, akan menjadi pemilik masa depan

Tinggalkanlah kesenangan yang menghalangi
pencapaian kecemerlangan hidup yang di
idamkan. Dan berhati-hatilah, karena beberapa
kesenangan adalah cara gembira menuju

Jangan menolak perubahan hanya karena anda
takut kehilangan yang telah dimiliki, karena
dengannya anda merendahkan nilai yang bisa
anda capai melalui perubahan itu

Anda tidak akan berhasil menjadi pribadi baru bila
anda berkeras untuk mempertahankan cara-cara
lama anda. Anda akan disebut baru, hanya bila
cara-cara anda baru

Ketepatan sikap adalah dasar semua ketepatan.
Tidak ada penghalang keberhasilan bila sikap
anda tepat, dan tidak ada yang bisa menolong
bila sikap anda salah

Orang lanjut usia yang berorientasi pada
kesempatan adalah orang muda yang tidak
pernah menua ; tetapi pemuda yang berorientasi
pada keamanan, telah menua sejak muda

Hanya orang takut yang bisa berani, karena
keberanian adalah melakukan sesuatu yang
ditakutinya. Maka, bila merasa takut, anda akan
punya kesempatan untuk bersikap berani

Kekuatan terbesar yang mampu mengalahkan
stress adalah kemampuan memilih pikiran yang
tepat. Anda akan menjadi lebih damai bila yang
anda pikirkan adalah jalan keluar masalah.

Jangan pernah merobohkan pagar tanpa mengetahui
mengapa didirikan. Jangan pernah mengabaikan
tuntunan kebaikan tanpa mengetahui keburukan
yang kemudian anda dapat

Seseorang yang menolak memperbarui cara-cara
kerjanya yang tidak lagi menghasilkan, berlaku
seperti orang yang terus memeras jerami untuk
mendapatkan santan

Bila anda belum menemkan pekerjaan yang sesuai
dengan bakat anda, bakatilah apapun pekerjaan
anda sekarang. Anda akan tampil secemerlang
yang berbakat

Kita lebih menghormati orang miskin yang berani
daripada orang kaya yang penakut. Karena
sebetulnya telah jelas perbedaan kualitas masa
depan yang akan mereka capai

Jika kita hanya mengerjakan yang sudah kita
ketahui, kapankah kita akan mendapat
pengetahuan yang baru ? Melakukan yang belum
kita ketahui adalah pintu menuju pengetahuan

Jangan hanya menghindari yang tidak mungkin.
Dengan mencoba sesuatu yang tidak
mungkin,anda akan bisa mencapai yang terbaik
dari yang mungkin anda capai.

Salah satu pengkerdilan terkejam dalam hidup
adalah membiarkan pikiran yang cemerlang
menjadi budak bagi tubuh yang malas, yang
mendahulukan istirahat sebelum lelah.

Bila anda mencari uang, anda akan dipaksa
mengupayakan pelayanan yang terbaik.
Tetapi jika anda mengutamakan pelayanan yang
baik, maka andalah yang akan dicari uang

Waktu ,mengubah semua hal, kecuali kita. Kita
mungkin menua dengan berjalanannya waktu,
tetapi belum tentu membijak. Kita-lah yang harus
mengubah diri kita sendiri

Semua waktu adalah waktu yang tepat untuk
melakukan sesuatu yang baik. Jangan menjadi
orang tua yang masih melakukan sesuatu yang
seharusnya dilakukan saat muda.

Tidak ada harga atas waktu, tapi waktu sangat
berharga. Memilik waktu tidak menjadikan kita
kaya, tetapi menggunakannya dengan baik
adalah sumber dari semua kekayaan

Orang-orang yang minta gaji lebih biasanya tidak dapat lebih, tapi yang melakukan lebih dan berkualitas akan mendapat lebih. Jangan takar tenaga yang Anda keluarkan berdasarkan gaji yang Anda dapatkan tetapi berdasarkan hasil yang dapat Anda kontribusikan bagi kelangsungan dan keuntungan perusahaan Anda.

Siapa bilang untuk menjadi kaya dan sejahtera harus punya modal yang banyak? Kalau saja Anda cermat melihat peluang yang ada, ada banyak celah yang bisa menjadi jalan untuk meraih kesejahteraan yang diinginkan. Yang dibutuhkan cuma kemauan untuk menjadi sukses.

Sign 1:
The secret of a lover who can have long-term relationship is to share each other. You and your lover should always help each other, whether it is small problem or huge problem. The most important one is that both of you should always enjoy every lives aspects together. And everything will seem to be fun even without involving others.
So, have you ever felt this? If yes, Congratulations, this means that your lover has a chance to be your soulmate!

Sign 2:
One of the criteria that determine your lover is your soul mate or not is the capability of your lover being comfort in front of you. Now try to pay attention to your lover, His/Her movement, how to dress up, how the hairstyle, how to talk and how to laugh impress who your lover is. Do any words always appear spontaneous or not contrived? If not, (sorry) most likely he/she is not your soul mate.

Sign 3:
There is inner contact that makes both of your heart can always mutual. And if your lover can read each other thoughts and guess each other feeling in some circumstance, Congratulations! Perhaps your lover actually is part of your soul saved…

Sign 4:
Being with your lover makes your feeling relax, comfortable without oppression. Being hours with your lover, each time and everyday does not bore you. This is a sign that both of you will soon be bound each other.

Sign 5:
Your lover was always there for you in any situation. And your lover also can understand your mood in love and grief. Believe it, a pair certainly not be afraid the ebb and flow with time.

Now, remember, remember back.
Is he/she is the first person to come offer assist when you were in sorrow?
Your lover knows your condition when you were in pain….
If yes, do not hesitate. He/She is the one…

Sign 6:
He/She was not concerned with the past of your family,
He/She did not care with your pass when you were with your love one.
He/She is also not diffident to talk about His/Her pass…
So, this means that your lover is ready to accept you as is…

Sign 7:
Each person has a lack of certainty,
And you are not shy to show it to your lover. Even when you look “awful” in front of him, Such when you wake up or when you are ill. And not taken bath for 2 days.

Sign 8:
If you feel your secret is save in your lover’s hand rather than on your best friends’ hand. Or you are no longer keeping any secret from your lover, Then be happy! Because this means you have found your true soul mate!

a few days ago, I did something that I shouldn’t have done, but I did it anyway,which now I kinda regret it..wanna know what happened?? well, it goes like this..
last week, I just got a notice that I wasn’t cut 2 go 2 a ‘school’.I felt so depressed @ the time (..& still am depressed when writing this story.. :(.. ).I was perished, felt like the whole world is rejecting me @ the time.I was so desperate that I even decided to text a nurse friend of mine 2 chat.apparently,I met 1 of them @ the hospital @ the time,when he was taking a break in the canteen.so,I kinda poured out my heart 2 him & another 1 that talk 2 me via the cellphone.even though I felt a little relief,but the 1 I’m really looking forward 2 talk 2 is him..but that’s just it!! if I called him or maybe text him,he’d call back & demand 2 know what happened. I got scared that if he talked 2 me,while trying 2 soothe me & say it’s ok,there will be next time bla,bla,bla, I’d go all gloomy & maybe even cried my heart out listening 2 him..& that’s exactly what I don’t want him 2 know!!he might think that I’m just another spoiled cry-baby who just can’t handle the real world. I don’t want him 2 c that side of me..since I don’t know how he really feels ’bout me,I’m not ready 2 show ‘that’ side of me 2 him just yet..that ‘fragile’ side of me.. 😦
anyways, as it turns out, when I arrived @ work,my co-worker told me that she just hung-up the phone on him just mere seconds b4 I arrived.I got dumbstruck.my heart was beating faster than it should,but I still manage 2 ask her what did they talked about while turning my back on her.she said that he mentioned a lot of other things 2 her first,which I know is just his way of chit chat before asking the ‘real’ question.then she finally said that he was asking her about how did I do.hearing that,I suddenly got a mixed feelings of happy, sad, & mad, all at the same time.happy, coz that means that I got him interested. sad,coz I didn’t make the cut & strangely,felt kinda embarassed @ him,2 all his efforts & stuffs you know..& then I got mad! coz he didn’t even bother 2 call me up or even text me himself 2 know the news.he just had 2 ask my friend ’bout it. I was like,”oh,come on!!this is getting funnier by the minute.don’t u even have the guts 2 call 4 yourself?!”.I felt like screaming @ that time, which I did 4 all those reasons after knowing that 😛 my friend even proposed that he should call me himself 2 get the news.I quickly rejected her proposal.I couldn’t talk 2 him just yet, let alone see him in person. as I said before, I’m afraid I might break down 2 tears if I hear his voice on the phone. so,as it turns out,seconds after our conversation,he made an attempt to call her again & asked how I was doing.she asked me again whether I wanted him 2 call me himself, which I quickly decline.so she text him & told him that I didn’t make it through & now is looking depressed & all.after that,he didn’t reply back.that day I felt so lazy that I feel like I don’t have any energy left in me 4 work.. -__-
..the next day, I continued my work & arrived @ JB @ the usual time.@ first, I was so glad 2 learn that there weren’t any patient in the icu, so there’s gonna be less chance that I ever gonna bump into him that day.even though I remain @ the 2nd floor, but I didn’t sat @ the nurse station like I usually did.I sat either in the nurse’s changing room,delivery room,baby room,wherever, as long as there’s a tiny chance on bumping into him that day…but as usual..the more I tried 2 evade seeing someone, the more times I got 2 bump into them by mere chance.. T__T .. & so there I was in the icu @ around 7 p.m.,checking on the patient’s status & condition.I went there at around that hour coz I estimated that he’d already been gone somewhere @ that time,so I didn’t have to see him.the patient has already been in the room since about 4 p.m..but that was just my luck!!about 15 minutes after I came,someone opened the door & in he came.hah!!so much for my ‘escape maneuver’ that day :I when I saw him coming in, I unconsciously spoke loud enough 4 one of the nurse beside me 2 hear.I said,”OMG,it’s him!I definitely don’t wanna speak or even see him right now!”.she was mesmerized by my comment & asked,”what is it,doc?what’s going on?”. I didn’t answer her question. instead, I pretended that I was looking @ the status & didn’t pay any attention of him crossing by the room.I know he was smiling @ me & all, but I just ignored him.after he got close enough 2 me,he asked,”so how’s it going?”.I took a quick glance @ him & then return my gaze again 2 the status while saying,”what’s going on with what,doc?”.”the test.did u make it?”.suddenly, I feel the urge to get angry @ him coz he didn’t even bother 2 call & ask me himself yesterday. so I said 2 him while sulking,”u already knew the answer 2 that,don’t u?why bother asking?as if it’s gonna change..”.he quickly change his expression from being all smiley to something like,”oops,what did I do wrong?I’m just asking”.he tried 2 lighten up the atmosphere by saying,”well,I haven’t heard it from u..maybe there’s gonna be some miracle when hearing about it live..”. I just gave him a smirk & didn’t say anything.after the room fall silent for a minute or 2,he sat in front of me & asked again about how it went.I explained it to him w/o any enthusiasm like I always did whenever we talk 2 each other.he was listening to it seriously & didn’t even bother to make a joke about it.he just sat there & told me that it looks like it’s getting much harder 2 get in nowadays, & other stuffs which meant 2 soothe me..& it still didn’t work, at all..I guess he could see right through me that I’m not in the mood 4 some long chat, so he got up instead & asked whether there’s going 2b another op on the OR.I looked @ him & said,”dunno..”,plain & simple. then he also asked the nurse if there’s going 2b an op scheduled 4 tomorrow.she also said that she doesn’t know. after he left the room,she asked me again about what’s going on between us.why wasn’t I talking 2 him the way I used to talk?only giving him short answers & stuffs. even she had notice that there’s something ‘weird’ going on between us ^^ ..smiling,I told her that there’s nothing wrong going on between us,I just don’t feel like talking 2 him @ the moment 😛 though she’s still curious ’bout it,but I didn’t mention anything.but she did asked me whether I did take the test 4 anesthesia & did I make it through.I said yes & I failed.then she asked me why did I chose 2b one?now this one is kinda tricky question ^^ I was about to tell her that ever since I work @ the ER in the other hospital, I stumbled through a lot of emergency stuffs & it excites me.I didn’t get to the last phrase,when suddenly she interrupted & said,”wow,so there is some sparks going on over there between u 2.” she giggled & I didn’t even bother 2 continue what I was going 2 say.so I just shut my mouth after that 😛
..a couple of hours later,I was still sitting @ the nurse’s counter in the icu when suddenly he came back in.he didn’t bother 2 address me & so I did the same thing.he said that he was looking 4 an epidural set 2 one of the nurses,so they searched everywhere in the room 4 it.even when he was searching the desk near me,he still didn’t bother to talk or even look @ me.so I did the same thing 😛 after searching w/ no luck, he still sat there on the chair a few inches away beside me w/o saying a word.I took a quick glance @ him & saw that he was spacing out..dunno if he’s trying 2 remember where he’d put that thing, or still wondering how to make up 2 me,hi3x 😉 a few minutes after that,my cellphone rang.it was from the 3rd floor & they want me 2 call the consultant in charge of a new patient that she didn’t know yet.so I got up & told the mod that I’m going upstairs.he asked whether there’s an urgent patient upstairs & I said that it’s nothing.I just have to report something to the internist in charge,that’s all. I didn’t even bother to tell him that I’ll be leaving.but as I was leaving, I could still hear him saying,”report?what’s there to report?”, & it made me smile 🙂 I kept on smiling as I leave the room,knowing that surely a few minutes ago he still noticed what I was doing although we weren’t talking 2 each other like we used too 😉 ..but that night,when I was up all alone in the dr’s room, I seemed 2 have realized that it was so selfish of me to do that 2 him.he wasn’t the one to blame in all of this. I felt sorry 4 him all of the sudden.I even went into tears knowing that I could’ve hurt him & made him feel uneasy earlier 😦 ..& that’s why that night I wished that the next time I saw him,I’ll make sure to give him a smile like I used to do & forget that something like this ever happened between us 🙂
..well,apparently the next day I did see him again @ the other hospital ^^ although we didn’t have a chance to chat,I just smiled @ him when he saw me in the same room as he is.seeing him still busy talking 2 other ppl in the room,I got out silently..I didn’t get a chance 2 apologize, but at least now he knew that I’m not ‘mad’ @ him anymore,ha8.. 😀 ..oh well,like what I’ve said b4 & I’ll say it again..if ‘it’ was meant 2b,than it’s meant 2b..which I do hope it is, Amin… ^^
… c u next time.. 🙂