eve winchester’s Blog

.. News of an old ‘fling’ ..

Posted on: February 25, 2012

Malang, 26/2/2012

A few hours ago,I just chatted with an old friend back in the working days via BBM. What she mentioned really gave me quite a shock there. Wanna know what she said? She said that she was shock hearing from me. At first I wondered, what’s wrong with me having a conversation with an old pal? Then she said,”do you know that just about 4 hrs ago your ex-crush just called me & we kinda talk about you..a lot,” with a lot of smileys on her text message. I was like,”OMG!! Not again!! Do we ALWAYS have to be in sync with each other even though it’s not possible anymore?”. How was I supposed to know that he just called her earlier. Even now, when I think about it, it still kinda disturbs me in a way. I mean, come on… We’ve gone our seperate ways months ago, said our goodbyes & all. How come this kind of things keep following me even till this second ?? Isn’t it about enough already that I shed my tears for someone that wouldn’t want me being part of their lives ?? So how come now my heart still aches whenever I hear stories about him ? L .. Not to mention that my friend also told me that she kept pressing about my issues at him whenever she had the chance. It kinda embarrassed me,you know..

I know, I should be thankful to her for keeping my back like that. What made me more hurt is that she said that whenever they made fun remarks at him about me, his face will go all red, embarrassed. Does it mean that he also had finally ‘develop’ any feelings for me after all this time ? I told her (for my self-benefit, actually) that he would never give any comment concerning about this coz he doesn’t feel the same way anyway. But she stated that he knew & probably is already feeling guilty about it too. Knowing that, I kinda feel a bit.. relief maybe ? That he knew how I felt about him & how he made me feel all this time. A little ‘punishment’ wouldn’t hurt, would it ? Like what she did to him, by reminding him constantly about how I felt.

Dear God , how can You played with our hearts like that ? What’s the message behind all of this for me ? I’m not questioning about Your authority or anything. I know that deep down in my heart, this is all for the best. Even if I look through all of this, it made me realize that he was sent to me by You, to act as a ‘teacher’ for me, to guide me to where I am suppose to walk know at this very  moment. I know that our paths has already been written, long before we were even born perhaps. If I hadn’t met him, I don’t know how long I’ll be stuck in that ‘little’ hospital without wanting to improve myself more & more. Perhaps I wouldn’t feel this much of a ‘challenge’ if we did end up together.. . Let the past be a ‘lesson’ to guide me how about far I can ‘grow up’ from all of this in the future.. so, TO THE FUTURE !! CHEERS !! GANBATTE !! \(^^)/

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