Posted November 27, 2010on:
..hix3x..how I wish I hadn’t text him that stupid message.now everything’s fallen apart!! wanna know what happened earlier? well, it goes like this…
yesterday when I woke up, I realized that I haven’t got anyone 2 go with 2 a wedding party.suddenly,just out of the blue,I’ve got this strange urge to text him & asked if he wanna go out w/ me..& this time,I REALLY DID IT!!I pushed that darn button & sent him a text.a few minutes later he rang,but I wasn’t able to get a hold of my cell.so I called him back instead..& this is where it all happened..
as soon as it rang,he quickly answered the phone.at 1st I felt content w/ myself,so I told him if he can accompany me to my friend’s wedding since I haven’t got anyone 2 go with.I figured from the way he spoke,he was surprised about the sudden invitation..heck,I even surprised MYSELF that I asked him ’bout it ! after a minute or 2, he quickly & gently told me to c if I can asked any other friends 2 go.his reason is coz he couldn’t just go anyhwere w/o telling his workplace,etc.well..I think that’s just BULL***T!! earlier in our conversation,I asked him,TWICE,if he’s busy or not, & he said he wasn’t.
in my mind,I already got his ‘message’.he made it loud & clear that he doesn’t wanna get involved w/ me,except 4 professional matters.he even said in a pretty low voice that he’s afraid there will b another gossip ’bout him, but I can still hear him say it.that was b4 he said that he couldn’t make it,coz I know what he meant by that gossip.u c, lately everyone’s been gossiping ’bout him goin’ out w/ sum1 from the A hosp,which happens 2b my boss.but I know that’s all just a bunch of crap,coz everytime they hook-up,she ALWAYS gave me the scope ’bout their conversation.so I know exactly what they were up to & made a few laughs about it,too 😉 but I’ve learned that he was so pissed w/ that gossip, coz some midwife told me ’bout their conversation earlier a few days ago where he’d snap.of course she was shocked when he snapped. I just told her to relax & let it go,coz he tends 2 snap like that eventually.that’s just coz they didn’t know the real him yet,hi3x 😉 ..anyway,at that point,I already know what his answer might be.I just wanna hang up the phone right there & then,but that would b very rude of me.not to mention such a childish act,too.so eventually I manage 2 end up the conversation w/ what I hope 2 sound like I was relaxed & laid back.
but boy,that was a really, really crazy thing 4 me 2 do!! dunno what came over me yesterday morning.but know I have to face the consequences by myself.of course,it felt hurt pretty bad..but at the time,I felt kinda..hmmm,dunno..relieved,maybe??..yeah,relieved in a ‘strange’ way. guess it’s coz now I know 4 sure that he’s just not that into me.all this time he just felt obliged 2wards me,coz he wanted me 2 learn a lot (which btw, I thanked him 4 that).
but I’m a bit concerned now..why??..coz I dunno what will happen the next time we meet.is he gonna go all awkward w/ me?will he ever act the same as he used 2b w/ me all this time?is he gonna set some ‘boundaries’ between us? oh,I hope he’s not gonna do that.coz that would definitely tore me into pieces T_T ..he’s been such a really,really dear good friend 2 me this past few year in that ‘forsaken’ place..heck,he’s the only best-friend I’ve got ! he even beats my girlfriends there. I don’t want that to end, just coz of this stupid ‘incident’ w/ this so-called feelings of mine..but I guess,I’ve change how the ball rolls myself,hix3x.. 😦
aaarrrggghhh!! why did I do what I did back there??!! I wish I could turn back the time.. 😦 .. Dear God, I hope by 2morrow,we’ll still be good-friends..even though it didn’t turned out as I’d want it 2b, don’t ever let anything ‘nasty’ come between us.if this is how it should be,then by all means, pls let us always be the best of friends..forever & ever.. Amin.. T_T