eve winchester’s Blog


Posted on: May 22, 2009

  • In: diary
  • Comments Off on why??

why?? WHY did you do that for? was it something I’d said/done?is it because I wanted to add u  to my friends list?what’s wrong with that?…don’t know what I’m talking about? well,it goes like this…

by the time I arrived @ the hospital & was told that there were 2 patients in the icu,I was so excited at first.coz that means that I have the chance to meet him again,eventhough just to talk about other people’s condition.as soon as I went down, I learned that the patients weren’t his exactly.felt a little bit down of course.but nevertheless,I still hope for the best to come….and it did…

he came to look at the baby who were seen blue the other day,but today he’s much better & active.I didn’t notice him at first when he walked into the room.as soon as the nurse announced his arrival,I turned my head,looked up at him & greet him as usual.there was no sign that he was looking my way.at first,I thought,”Ok.maybe his much more focused about how the patients doing or tried to asked the nurses about it”.I saw him smiled at the nurses remarks (which I forgot what it’s all about).then he looked at the status on the desk to study it for awhile.since he’s standing a little further than where I was sitting,I got up & joined him to take a look about it.he didn’t say anything to me,but he did say something to the nurses,which I quickly understood about the situation.after that,he went to the patient’s bed to take a look.at first,I wanted to follow him around,but I don’t know why,my feet just don’t want to move”‘that’s fine”, I said to myself.so,I waited in my chair until he finishes.

after he finishes,he went back to the desk to write something on the status.all the other nurses where talking (gangguin,to be exact) about his capability to teach others.he just smiled at their remark,while still writing.after that,he got up & took a look at the other patient for awhile.the nurses offered him a cup of coffee (they also offered me too,of course,but I declined).again,he smiled at their gesture & went back out to continue with his operation.

what’s the lesson to this story??…well…all that time,he never EVER once took a glance at me..u know,I’m not expecting much.just a simple hello or a mere quick smile at me to notice that I was there,could be just enough for me.but NO…he just have to do that.it’s like I don’t even exist or like I’m some kind of parasite.not worth looking at.how do u think that makes me feel,huh??

why?? why do I have to be in this same situation again?it’s like high school again all over.am I coming to strong? am I being to aggressive?OMG,I don’t think so!!!…come to think of it,it is pretty bold to add people who maybe don’t feel want to be added..but,but…u can just chose to ignore it,right?it’s as simple as that.I wouldn’t mind if that’s the case.after all,he is a bit out my league here…

but to get this kind of treatment from him… it really upsets me…*sigh* 😦

I’m so depressed…so sad …so unhappy…suddenly,I felt like so very tired with all of this crap.why do we have to meet if there’s only going to be a broken-heart next?? don’t I deserve a second chance in this??now, I don’t even wanna know if I wanna ever see him again or not.dunno if I have choose between love or hate.it’s all so confusing & distressful…

…I wonder if there’s ever ANY happy-ending gonna happen to me somewhere in the near future ??…*hix3x*…T-T



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